*AHEM*

I've been a very bad blogger. I'm sorry. I have been over here trying to get some doctors appointments in, getting a CAT scan, waiting and waiting (and you know how I love to wait) for the results of that scan, as well as other rushed things trying to get this approval process done. So, I have done what needs to be done and am now WAITING on the answer. I will do a little more in depth update tonight or tomorrow. Sorry to keep any of you waiting. ;) ~much love

Waiting and Waiting...

As many of you know, I am not the most patient person on the planet. I hate waiting; I hate waiting in line, I hate waiting on the phone for someone, I hate waiting for people to do what they need to do, I hate waiting for red lights. I hate waiting period.

Guess what I'm doing now?

WAITING.

I so wanted this surgery like 3 years ago. But I best slow down. This will all happen in the right time. I have been waiting for 3 different doctors to return from vacation in the past 2 months. What they think it's cold in Nebraska and have to go somewhere warm? Just kiddin' on that really. I love all of my doctors and they really do deserve vacations, but "Hey, I need this letter/appointment/test now!"

So I have the news now that I must wait until the 29th to visit with the pulmonologist so he can write me a letter of clearance. I hope he does not give me any trouble because I am ready to give it right back. I have not seen him for little over 18 months so I am willing to do a PFT - Pulmonary Function Test but that is about it. He knows me well enough by now.

I'm hoping that all goes well at that appointment. The surgeon's office told me that I can possible have my surgery on the 7th or 11th of April. Wow, that's close and I'm excited. But for now... I must wait.

~much love

Why?

Well, there comes a time when you just need to get down to the nitty gritty. I guess the time has come. I will be opening myself up here and I hope that I will be supported as opposed to, well, anything else.

I have had enough, enough of the snide comments such as "dah-yum" and being called fat. Enough of the looks, hello people I have a face, you do not need to at my stomach. Enough.
Enough of me, Enough of the being fat, Enough of the longing to play with my kids instead of watching from the sidelines or the window. Enough. Enough. Enough!

I have tried nearly everything I could think of. Atkins, Grapefruit Diet, Cabbage Soup Diet, Slim-fast (that stuff made me more hungry), Richard Simmons, Stop the Insanity! (ha ha, that lady was crazy!), Losing it with Leann, countless attempts at going along with a diet plan with my doctor, some diet pill (phentermin or something like that), and Weight Watchers - I even applied for the Lap-Band back in 2005. Weight Watchers was the most successful for me, but I got to the point I didn't want to pay weekly for it and started to do it at home. I lost 90 lbs. I was elated! I gained 70 or so of it back though. I used to go the the YMCA every single day, and I absolutely loved it, but I needed to get into school and do some homework and then the Y went to the back burner and the quick foods and mind-numbing eating came back.

This has been such an emotion roller-coaster ride. I feel so depressed about the weight. I just need to find out what is right for me. And actually, I have already found the correct surgery and as you know, I am working on getting the approval.

So here it is... 340. That number, 340. Right now, 340. Wow!

Yeah, I just put that out there. It's so hard and I keep contemplating taking it off. But... I will not. It needs to be said and that's that.

I weigh 340 pounds today. This morning when I woke up.

Going to post this so I don't delete it. I will write more later. ~much love

Quick Update

I just wanted to throw a quick update for you guys. I'm very frustrated now because I'm having issues with getting what I need from some doctors. I have figured out that ALL of my doctors take vacation sometime during the last two weeks of February and the first two weeks of March. I am REALLY hoping to get this surgery done this month.

I will come back within the next couple days and tell you about why I have chosen to have weight loss surgery.

Until then,

~much love

What???

Well today I'm not very happy. I spoke with the nurse from my surgeons office to see if by chance the approval came through.... Well she explains to me that she spoke with the gal who handles the insurance approvals and she had not sent it through yet....... WHAT????????????

I'm seriously pissed off right now. She explained to me that she told her it was ready on Thursday the 17th and the gal never put it in. So a week and 3 days went by and I was waiting for nothing?! So, the approval went in today and she said they should know in about a week. I guess the reason she did not put it through was because she had a question, but instead of asking the question, it just sat on her desk! UGH!

My guess is that I will have to go have another psych eval because that is what she was waiting on, to ask if I had done a more recent one. Such is life. Another week of waiting. Come on already, I WANT MY DS! I'm hoping I'm calmed down by then or I will NOT pass my psych eval.

Be Well ~ Much Love

This time 'round

So, I gave you a brief look into what happened last time I tried for Bariatric Surgery, now I will fill you in on what it looks like this time.

A couple of days after my 3 month weigh-in, I took my kids out to a Chinese restaurant. My fortune cookie said... "3 months from now, you will get very good news." I instantly thought, "Sweet!" I was thinking that it meant that I would know shortly after my 6 month weigh-in that I would be approved. But as the date got closer, I realized that at that 2 days after the 3 months that fortune cookie was talking about was my visit with my oncologist. That visit was something I was dreading in the back of my mind because I was so scared that as I was gonna get bad news this time around. However, that meeting went well and as I did not get any scans, he went off blood work and feeling around my lymph nodes. I'm sure, (if I really believed in fortune cookies telling your future) that that was my 3 months from now good news. ;)

I finished up my weigh-ins in January and had to wait for some results and letters of recommendation to come through to the surgeon's office. All paperwork that is necessary for insurance approval has been received and they sent off for the approval on February 18th. The insurance lady I am working with said that my insurance usually takes a week to a week and a couple of days to get an answer. I am going to be calling on Monday the 28th to check on the approval. I'm so nervously excited, I can hardly contain my emotions.

Tick Tock Tick Tock.....

My First Attempt And My Big Surprise...

My journey to having weight loss surgery has been a long one. Back in July of 2008, I started the process of my 6 month supervised diet that is required by my insurance. I can remember that during my 2nd weigh-in I had a cough and I mentioned it to my doctor and she said well lets just see what it does. I do not remember if I asked her about it at any of the next monthly weigh-ins until the last. It was December 9th. I said, "You know, that cough I have has never gone away." It was a dry cough, never producing anything, just a light little cough through out the day. And as I look back on it, I can remember when I was lying down and turning side to side I could feel something moving in my chest. Kind of like when you have a sinus thing going on and you can feel it move when you switch which side you are lying on. Ok, I got off track there... so, December 9th... After I mentioned it to her, she said well we can do a chest x-ray, you will need one before the surgery anyway. I went to the x-ray room and then came back and waited for the results. My doctor came in the room with tears in her eyes and said, "Michelle, there is something there." I don't remember much of the conversation or of her showing me the x-ray until I stopped crying and said... "What do I need to do? Dying is not an option." I made some follow up appointments and a few scans and a biopsy latter, I find out I have Hodgkins Lymphoma. I met a wonderful oncologist and searched EVERYTHING I could about the cancer and the treatment choices I was offered. I did 6 months of chemotherapy and 20 days of radiation. As of January 2011, I have been cancer free for a year and a half. I have not had scans for a while, but will get them in July or before the weight loss surgery if I am approved.