Why?

Well, there comes a time when you just need to get down to the nitty gritty. I guess the time has come. I will be opening myself up here and I hope that I will be supported as opposed to, well, anything else.

I have had enough, enough of the snide comments such as "dah-yum" and being called fat. Enough of the looks, hello people I have a face, you do not need to at my stomach. Enough.
Enough of me, Enough of the being fat, Enough of the longing to play with my kids instead of watching from the sidelines or the window. Enough. Enough. Enough!

I have tried nearly everything I could think of. Atkins, Grapefruit Diet, Cabbage Soup Diet, Slim-fast (that stuff made me more hungry), Richard Simmons, Stop the Insanity! (ha ha, that lady was crazy!), Losing it with Leann, countless attempts at going along with a diet plan with my doctor, some diet pill (phentermin or something like that), and Weight Watchers - I even applied for the Lap-Band back in 2005. Weight Watchers was the most successful for me, but I got to the point I didn't want to pay weekly for it and started to do it at home. I lost 90 lbs. I was elated! I gained 70 or so of it back though. I used to go the the YMCA every single day, and I absolutely loved it, but I needed to get into school and do some homework and then the Y went to the back burner and the quick foods and mind-numbing eating came back.

This has been such an emotion roller-coaster ride. I feel so depressed about the weight. I just need to find out what is right for me. And actually, I have already found the correct surgery and as you know, I am working on getting the approval.

So here it is... 340. That number, 340. Right now, 340. Wow!

Yeah, I just put that out there. It's so hard and I keep contemplating taking it off. But... I will not. It needs to be said and that's that.

I weigh 340 pounds today. This morning when I woke up.

Going to post this so I don't delete it. I will write more later. ~much love